Terrible Mommy

I didn't think I appreciated much about our too small condo...but now I greatly appreciate the fact that it does NOT have ANY stairs. Not even one.

Sophia and I (and Michael on the weekend) were staying with my brother at my parents' house while they were out of town since last Wednesday. Although their house is nice and roomy and has a pool, it is like a mine field for things that Sophia can get into or hurt herself on. The coffee table in the family room is her favorite place to pull up on...but mostly only on the corners, where I can envision her falling into and losing an eye. She also really likes a basket my Mom has that has pencils and pens and all kinds of papers in....it's on the floor at her level and every time I turn my back she crawls right for it. She likes to pull open drawers in the kitchen....that have scissors and other things that she can't play with. Basically I have to stay on my toes and direct her back to her toys that I place in the center of the room away from the general hazards. Not to mention the fact that Sophia is a little daredevil....she just doesn't seem afraid of anything. She will crawl anywhere and try to pull up on anything (even if it moves) and put anything in her mouth. She isn't really quite walking yet on her own....but when it happens (and it seems to be coming soon), I am in big trouble.

There are three staircases in my parents' house. Plus a few stairs up to the front porch and a few leading from the kitchen into the garage (I am deathly afraid of someone plunging down these stairs, as they are directly out the screen door, are brick and land on cement). Sophia has started to show interest in the set of stairs that lead up to her Uncle Dillon's room...and I constantly have to pull her away from there as well. Last night she showed an interest in the stairs leading to the basement....the door wasn't shut and I wasn't there to pull her away.

Michael was getting ready to leave (Soph and I were going to stay another night) and him and I went up from the basement to the guest room to get his stuff (the guest room is down the hall from the door to the basement)....Sophia was with us, crawling on the floor near the bathroom, right next to the guest room. My Mom and sister had followed us up from the basement as well and I guess I thought that Sophia crawled over to them to see what they were doing....but I didn't realize that neither of them were actually with her. I heard my Mom from the guest bedroom yell out something and I realized that Sophia must have found the open door leading to the basement.

I know you aren't supposed to panic, but my kid was falling down the stairs. I ran down the hall pretty fast, with Michael and my sister on my heels......my Mom was already almost to the bottom of the stairs and my Dad (who had been in the basement), was picking up Sophia, who was crying. I guess maybe my Mom had yelled to my Dad or something, or maybe he knew what was happening, but he was like lightening, and got to Sophia before she actually hit the landing at the bottom of the stairs. I didn't know he could move that fast, but I sure am thankful he did. I am also thankful I didn't actually see the fall with my own eyes. My Mom said she just saw Soph go over the edge, basically hit her face on the stair, and then kinda roll down sideways until my Dad caught her one step from the bottom and the wall. The stairs (thank God) are carpeted and pretty well padded for stairs that lead to a basement. A side thanks to my parents for spending whatever it was to get a decent padding under that carpet.

Sophia probably cried a bit more because she saw that I was kind of freaking out, but she didn't appear to have anything broken or out of place. She had a little red spot on her nose, probably a rug burn from where she hit it when she started down, but other than that, I couldn't find anything else bruised or swollen at all. Once she did stop crying, she seemed to be herself, seemed to crawl normally and not favor any of her limbs as if they were hurting her. We even got her to smile a little. She was probably amused at the heart attacks she had given her parents.

Obviously my run of almost an entire year of not letting anything bad happen to my child has run out. I don't know why I just assumed that she was with my Mom or sister or why I didn't at least double check to make sure the basement door was closed. I feel terrible that my poor baby fell down the stairs because I wasn't paying attention. I am very thankful that my Dad got to her so quickly and that she didn't seem to get hurt, other than her little nose (which is really just a mark, it didn't even bleed). I am a fairly nervous first-time mom as it is, but now I would say I am a much more nervous mommy with some added guilt of not doing my job of protection very well. I know that she'll fall down a lot and get bumps and bruises and scrapes and cuts....but this seems like something that just shouldn't happen, if I am doing my job right. Michael, who didn't outwardly freak out at the time, now seems to be hovering quite a bit more than usual. It scared him just as much as it scared me. He did find a website that explained that a baby falling down a flight of stairs usually doesn't come with as much injury as an adult falling down the stairs.....less weight, less height, babies don't tense up because they don't expect what is going to happen, etc.....it made me feel a teeny tiny small bit better. There were a LOT of comments of parents whose children had fallen down the stairs. I guess it happens a lot....which really doesn't make me feel a lot better about the fact that my baby fell down the stairs. I just feel terrible that it happened at all.

Almost every single night when I give Sophia her bottle and rock her before putting her to bed I say a prayer, something like, God, thank you so much for my sweet girl, please protect her...some variation of that. I guess He definitely listens to me because this is a pretty clear example of God making sure that my Dad was quick to react, that the stairs she fell down were carpeted, that she wasn't really hurt at all. And it was a little wake up call to me....to pay more attention....even if I can't prevent every single accident, I can at least try to prevent the preventable ones (I can make sure the door is shut, can make sure that someone else is watching her if I can't, to always know exactly where she is).

This coming weekend, Michael and I will be leaving Sophia overnight for the first time since she was born. My parents will be watching her at their house. Even though I am nervous about it, I definitely feel like they will be keeping all eyes on her at all times...and I also know that if something should happen, I don't need to worry, they can respond quickly. That makes me feel better. I definitely won't stop my prayers each night though, with extra thanks to God (and some for my parents as well) for protecting my sweet little Sophia.