Dream Weaver

Wow, so two posts in one day! I was thinking of just combining this topic with my other one...but they were just too different so I thought I would just post twice.
Lately I have been having some terrible dreams. Not sure if this can be attributed to the pregnancy (I have heard that dreams are more vivid and frequent while pregnant) or what but it is getting to be a bother, sleepwise. As if I need more problems in that area, I am starting to get uncomfortable in some of my more well liked positions and getting up anywhere from 1-3 times a night to go to the bathroom. The bathroom thing alone is really annoying, as I have never in my life before now had to get up in the middle of the night to use the restroom unless I was sick. Talk about disruption of sleep.
Anyway, on to the bad dreams. A lot of the time they revolve around something terrible happening to a family member.....an impending death, a funeral, just general awfulness that only makes me worry more about something bad happening to those close to me. Two nights ago was no exception. I dreamed that my 2 year old nephew fell head over heels over a low banister from a second story porch....just out of my reach and before I could do anything about it. Usually it is days before I can get the terrible images out of my head (or I'll just have another bad dream to replace the bad one before it).
Last night was a little different. I had a bad dream about Freddy Krueger. I know, what am I, ten years old??!! Probably not coincidently from seeing that someone had posted on facebook about the new (?) Friday the 13th movie that is coming out tonight....complete with the catchy little song from the movie (1, 2, Freddy's comin for you....etc...you know you know it). I have seen quite a few of the Friday the 13th saga and really don't find these movies to be very scary....but for some reason I was pretty scared last night. I woke up my husband, as usual, and as usual he asked what the dream was about (which is pretty impressive, considering he is always half asleep, haha).....at first I didn't want to tell him cause I was sure he would make fun of me....I was almost making fun of myself, despite knowing there was no way I would fall right back to sleep (cause that is when Freddy gets you. Right.). But amazingly he didn't laugh and even woke up to stay awake with me (you know, to protect me) while I ran (sprinted) to the bathroom, light glaring, and he kept his iphone lit so I could run back to jump in the bed and wasn't in total darkness. He cuddled me while I proceeded to spend the next half an hour trying to force my eyes open and read a little E News on my iphone (really, E News, is the Friday the 13th movie coming out a story?? I figured I'd find some harmless material there and eventually did) and trying to think of any possible song to get stuck in my head other than the Freddy song (thanks Taylor Swift!). Eventually I must've fallen back to sleep....and I lived to blog another day!
I guess given a bad dream about something fake (Freddy Krueger) and something that could potentially be real (something happening to my loved ones), I will take the fake any day. But if my dreams have to be so frequent and vivid, can't they be about something happy and positive??!!

The End of Another Month.....

Wow, can't believe that April is over today and May will be here tomorrow. This year is flying by. Since it has been over a week since my last post, I will catch up a little that has gone on lately. On Wednesday, my little brother made his confirmation. Dillon, aka St. George, did a great job and answered his question from Arch-bishop Gregory with ease. Michael did great as his sponsor as well, although he really just had to stand behind Dill and put his hand on his shoulder. :-) I was impressed with this Arch-bishop a lot....he was very entertaining and even though the kids must've been intimidated when he asked them questions, he was funny and you could tell he was trying to get them to relax and laugh a little. Not only can I not remember who the Arch-bishop was when I was confirmed, I know that my confirmation was surely not entertaining at all. We just kneeled down and he said something to us and that was it. Even though the mass for Dillon's confirmation was pretty long (about 2 hours), I thought it was really nice and Michael and I are very proud of Dill for reaching this milestone.
Last night Michael had class so I went shopping, finally stocking up on some adorable baby girl clothes. I didn't really have anything in mind specifically to buy....but when I got into Bloomingdales and saw that the clearance baby clothes were an extra 40% off...and that a very large amount of them were Ralph Lauren items....well, I went a little crazy. My girl is going to be one adorably dressed girl! I even found a DKNY (who knew she did baby clothes??!!) outfit for her....and it was less than $20. The prize of the night though was a red velvet Ralph Lauren holiday dress orginally priced at $145 (cannot imagine who spends this on any one baby clothing item at all)........for $36!!!!!! I can just imagine now her Daddy carrying her into church on Christmas morning in this adorable dress....now I just need to buy her some little white tights and black patent mary janes to complete the perfect look!! Needless to say I am very excited about it....even though Christmas is a good 8 months away and the baby isn't even here yet, haha.
Tonight should be a relaxing night...well, for me.....Michael has got to study, study, study for his last final of the semester that will occur Monday night. But the rest of the weekend will be nice...I have to work tomorrow morning (as usual) but I think we are spending the rest of the weekend at my parents house....my sister and nephew are in town so it will be a fun family weekend, hopefully with nice weather and the pool involved. :-)
I am glad that the warmer months are upon us. No matter how hot I will feel this summer (with my extra padding, haha), I always like the warm summery months much better than the cold, dreary wintery months. Just something about nice, warm weather makes me in a much better mood. And I also know that at the end of these nice, hot summery months I will be getting a huge present.....the baby!!! And she needs to get here soon so she can start wearing all her cute new clothes!!!

Still not too much to say....

Ugh, so it has been over a week since my last post. After all the excitement of finding out our baby is a girl, nothing very exciting has been going on. The past 7 seven days have been a little rough, I've just been tired and busy and more tired. We had a great dinner out with my family on Saturday night so that was nice. Sunday we busted our butts and got some cleaning done in the house....still have to work on the baby's room though, it is a nightmare from all the stuff we stored in there while we were having the renovations done. And this week is going slooowly so far. Today I feel a bit out of sorts, I don't feel bad so much as I feel over-hormonal (is this a word?) and tired and like I almost want to just curl up and sleep for a couple days and not have to deal with work. Maybe if I were home, comfy in bed, reading a book I would feel better. But no, that's not going to happen.
I am trying to find some positive things to look forward to....our beach trip in three weeks, a girls night out to the movies that I am getting together for the end of May (dinner and Sex and the City 2....since we did the same for S&TC1)...not sure what to look forward to in June, we'll take our parenting class one weekend that month and maybe a trip to FL to visit my inlaws? July, well this will be my last month of work so I am surely looking forward to the end of it, haha and maybe a trip with my parents to Chicago and Madison, Wisconsin (where I was born). August, lots of time at the pool, my birthday, finishing getting everything ready for the baby to arrive. And of course, September, the baby will be here. I feel like I am really reaching for something, anything, to pull me through the crappy. Thankfully each day has the high point of my husband cuddling me as we go to sleep each night. When the day is rotten I just wait for that moment all day long cause I know it will make me feel better and safe and like everything is ok.
Yeah, I am waiting for that right now. The day is not quite half over. Not really improving much. And I still don't really have anything of great interest to blog about. But I did think since it had been so long I better get something on here so my legions of followers (haha) don't forget about me! I hope everyone else is having a better week than I am....and hope you all have someone to cuddle you each night to make everything better. :-)

It's a........

Well, today was the big day, the Monday morning I have been waiting for....my monthly doctor's appointment! Today I am 19 weeks and 5 days pregnant. We did have an ultrasound, a fairly long one and everything looked great....especially the fact that we found out we are having a little....GIRL!!!!!
I slept terrible last night. I had bad dreams that we got lost on the way and they couldn't fit us in for another month, bad dreams that it wasn't a boy or girl (ok, this is silly, I knew they would say it was one or the other), bad dreams that it could've been either and we had to decide how to raise it (stupid Grey's Anatomy or other stupid show that had this plotline ages ago that somehow got stuck in my head). It was kinda like the next morning was Christmas and I was so excited to see what I got under the tree that I couldn't sleep. I've never been so glad to hear the alarm go off.
At first I was so surprised to hear the ultrasound tech say it was a girl. She seemed and acted like she knew what she was talking about and I didn't want to insult her....but to be fair, I have definitely heard they can be wrong and I didn't want my newborn infant boy to be decked out in all pink due to an error in the reading of the ultrasound. But the tech turned out to be pretty darn good, she got the money shot....hopefully the first and last picture of my little girl's crotch to ever be taken (oh, God, just another thing to worry about as I send her off to college....can't worry about that yet though, plenty of things in between to keep me worried). Yup, I wasn't totally 100% sure of what I was seeing but I do know what I wasn't seeing!! It is a girl!
Now it seems so much more real, so much more fun and exciting, so hard to wait till she gets here and we can meet her for the first time.
I think the next several months are going to fly by....we have to get her nursery set up, have to choose a name for her...oh, and I have to buy a zillion adorable little girl dresses and shoes for her as well! Michael is probably moving around all our money as we speak so I can't get to it, haha. Actually he seemed really excited too, I know she is going to be Daddy's little girl and will be able to get away with anything with him. :-) I can't wait!
I can't believe how exciting everything is right now. I have an amazing husband, a little girl on the way, a job, a roof over my head, wonderful family and friends....I am so very lucky and SO very thankful. :-) What a great day, really what a great life!

Saturdays Are For Shopping

So I have to put in a few hours at work (every Saturday) but once I get home we are heading out to do some shopping for some much needed maternity clothes for me and some summer clothes for Michael. This brings me to a small rant about maternity clothes.....why is it so hard to find places that sell them???
Actually let me back up. Originally our plan was to head up to one of my favorite places, the N.GA outlets, to do a little shopping....I knew they had one specialty maternity store but I also remembered that the Gap there had a maternity section....so I call yesterday just to verify and the lady says, no, only the retail stores and online sell maternity. Ugh. We decided the 45 minute drive wasn't really worth just one store.
Then I thought about how I knew that some Macy's carry maternity, but few and far between. So I called FIVE different Macy's locations within a half an hour or so driving distance of our house....2 have maternity.
And here is our plan: Mall of GA for the Macy's that does carry maternity, also a Gap and Old Navy that carries maternity...then we will swing by Discover Mills on our way back to hit the actual specialty maternity store and supposedly the Burlington outlet has some as well. Two different malls for 5 stores with small sections of maternity clothes! Ridiculous! But what can I do, I need to find things that fit, both for work and our upcoming beach vacation.
You can surely find a lot of maternity options online....and don't get me wrong, I LOVE to shop online....but I have found that I feel more comfortable actually trying on the clothes first before I part with the money for them. Maybe I will have to cave in and buy some tops, maybe some dresses online....but pants, there is just no way around trying them on. Target sells maternity clothes...sort of. I have probably been to 5 or 6 different Targets (including one in FL) and it is a very small section...let's just say I think I have almost everything they offer by now.
Yesterday I sort of got fed up as I tried to map out a plan to hit every possible store that carries maternity clothing.....why aren't there more options for us pregos?? I LOVE to shop, love clothes, shoes, purses, sunglasses...I am perfectly willing to purchase 2-3 outfits a day for the duration of my pregnancy (ok, so at some point Michael would step in and take all my funding away, haha) but the variety and amount of places to do said shopping just doesn't seem to be available!
I feel like I should write a strongly worded letter to someone....but who? All the major department stores, demanding they carry a wide selection of maternity clothes? Major designers, demanding they produce more maternity selections? Doubt I would have much luck or even get a response.
In the end I feel like the only lesson I have learned is this.......buy as much as I can find no matter how much of a pain it is to find it....and then don't ever get rid of anything so the next time I get pregnant at least I won't have to go through all this aggravation!!!

It's Monday....

Well, the wonderful weekend is over again and Monday is upon us. I definitely enjoyed Easter Sunday with my family (minus my sis, bro-in-law and nephew) and the delicious brunch at Mimi's Cafe. The rest of the day was spent relaxing and packing....tonight we are heading to FL for a few days to visit my in-laws and to lay Michael's grandmother to rest. Despite having to travel for the funeral, I am looking forward to seeing Michael's family and getting out of Atlanta for a few days. We haven't seen them since just after the new year and had just been talking about how we weren't sure when we'd be able to get a trip down there scheduled. Even though this trip wasn't planned and isn't under the best of circumstances, I am glad it will give us the time to be with Michael's family.
I am also glad that we will be busy this week....work today, FL till Thursday, work on Friday, then half day of work on Saturday and a trip up to the North GA outlets...relax on Sunday and then we will be back to Monday....which this time I will be looking forward to. At this time next week we should know what we are having, boy or girl wise. We purposely set our trip to the outlets to occur before we know the gender so I don't buy every little girl or boy outfit I see! Not that it won't happen eventually but all those deals concentrated in one place would surely be too overwhelming to resist. :-)
I probably won't have a lot of time to blog in the next few days....but when I do get the chance to post again, it will be that much closer to knowing (maybe we will already know??!!!) if we are expecting a little baby boy or a little baby girl. And I can't wait!!

Good Friday

While it does happen to be a day entitled Good Friday (two days before Easter) I have always wondered why it was named that way.....I am sure Jesus himself didn't find it to be a good day. Thankfully he was strong enough to go through what he had to so for the rest of us, all the days could technically be good ones. This isn't a preachy blog, just a little intro to remember what the Easter season is all about.
Yesterday did not happen to be a very good day. Unfortunately, my husbands last living grandparent, his maternal grandmother, passed away yesterday. As she was 90 years old, she did lead a long and full life.....but to me, that is probably a small positive that I can take away from her passing. Sure, 90 years is a long time, but why not 100? And after suffering from a stroke a couple years ago, her health was not at it's peak....but surely with all the medical technology these days there has to be something that can be done to improve quality of life after such things occur. Maybe not but I sure wish there were things that would keep our families here when we don't want them to go.
It makes me miss my Gram and Gramp even more, if that were even possible. Three years without my Gram (and countless milestones....her first great-grandchild, my engagement, my wedding...and now my first child...plus more to come, my brothers graduation...and it goes on and on) and now almost 6 months without my Gramp. Am I happy they are together now? Am I happy they aren't sick or suffering at all? Well, I guess so, but I am more selfish I guess and am just mostly unhappy they aren't here with me. Michael always had his grandmother around growing up and I know how much his family will miss her.
I know I am so very lucky to still have one full set of grandparents, my Gram and Gramp on my Dad's side. And I was even luckier to not lose any family member at all until my 27th year of life....I know far too many people that never even knew some family members and have been struck by greater tragedy than me. But this only makes me more nervous and scared about the possibility of losing another loved one....when will it strike, who will it be, how will I ever get through it when I don't feel over losing just 2 family members??? I have probably always been more scared of this topic (death) throughout my life but it is so much more glaring now that I have a child on the way. Not only do I worry about every single relative, my friends, my husband....I also worry about myself. Definitely not in the gripping way of losing someone else...but just that soon someone will be depending on me and I wouldn't want to just leave them to go on without me.
I definitely know I cannot control whatever God's plan is for me, my family, my friends...and that surely there is some purpose, some reason, for those that have to pass on.....but I am SO not at a place of just accepting it at this point. With the season upon us, I can see there is a purpose to why Jesus died for us....but this is soooo many hundreds of years later....and I can't help but wonder if at the time I would've seen it that way. Sure hope it doesn't take me hundreds upon hundreds of years to come to acceptance, I know I don't have that long.
I feel like I must apologize for the darkness/sadness of this post....I feel like I strayed away from light, funny, and random, which was the goal of my posts so far. On the other hand, this post is a bit more real, a little more deep, and something I truly am scared of (and hope I am not alone with)....not too easy to post, I have almost deleted the whole thing more than once as I have written it. I very much hope everyone enjoys the Easter holiday, as I know I will.....even with the dark cloud of death that looms all around there is always something positive in ones life and I will surely be focusing on all the positive, wonderful, happy things that are in mine.

Scattered Thoughts Thursday

So last week my thoughts were kinda random, but today (and for the past couple of days) they have been rather scattered. I can probably blame the pregnancy...and ironically most of my thoughts have been scattered around baby topics (some might even call them somewhat panicked thoughts).
Yesterday I was perusing the Babies R Us website simultaneously with the Target website for various baby products. At 18 weeks I don't really feel like we need to rush out and register but I thought I might try to get a jump on checking out some products that I might like to register for. We already have the nursery furniture set (not in the actual nursery, we just know what will go there and don't have to purchase much for it) and my Mom already bought us our stroller and we are pretty sure what car seat we will go with (have to just go check it out in person first). I decided to look at high chairs and monitors and play mat type things and diaper bags and bottles and.....
At first, I did good with finding a high chair I liked, emailed a picture of it to Michael to get his opinion, and found a couple good possibilities for play mats (jeez, they are kinda expensive but found one that we'll have to see in person for sure but could work and is relatively affordable). Then I was looking at monitors and while I LOVE the idea of a video monitor, I wonder if the cost is worth it. Our condo is pretty small so unless we become deaf after the baby arrives I am pretty confident we will hear when it cries in its own room. But the ability to see the baby on a monitor could actually be something we could use....in the very least we could just use it to see that yes, the baby is still breathing and thus avoid going in to check that and risk waking it up. They are just sooo expensive. So I moved on to diaper bags. SO many choices and a lot were more pricey than I thought they would be...and I didn't find any that I was super crazy about. Moving right along....bottles. That is sort of where the panic started to set in. I am going to bottle feed and I spent a little time looking at the different options (drop-ins, regular, strange tilted looking ones) and I think I am pretty sure we'll go with the drop-in bottles.....but what put me into a small panic is how much we will feed the baby each day and how in the world to I know how many freakin bottles to buy??!! I know they can be washed and reused and will need to be often...but do you buy enough to get through a day and then just wash them every single night? Enough for a few days, but still washing all the time? And with the previously mentioned small condo, we don't have a lot of space for extra storage. So confusing and as a pre-planner for almost everything (presumably to make things easier on myself) I find myself hoping that I don't buy too few (and not just bottles....diapers, wipes, formula, etc) and then am not a good, well-prepared mother.
So for now, I am stepping away from Babies R Us and the baby section at Target and registering will be put off for a bit longer while I calm down and relax and read up on what I truly will need....and this will include lots of questions to my already mommy friends...so no judging and laughing at my stupid questions!
Even with all my scattered and panicked thoughts, I am very excited and ready for this baby to get here. I think I will be able to handle the challenge and maybe even come up with some good advice for my future mommy-to-be friends!!