Good Friday

While it does happen to be a day entitled Good Friday (two days before Easter) I have always wondered why it was named that way.....I am sure Jesus himself didn't find it to be a good day. Thankfully he was strong enough to go through what he had to so for the rest of us, all the days could technically be good ones. This isn't a preachy blog, just a little intro to remember what the Easter season is all about.
Yesterday did not happen to be a very good day. Unfortunately, my husbands last living grandparent, his maternal grandmother, passed away yesterday. As she was 90 years old, she did lead a long and full life.....but to me, that is probably a small positive that I can take away from her passing. Sure, 90 years is a long time, but why not 100? And after suffering from a stroke a couple years ago, her health was not at it's peak....but surely with all the medical technology these days there has to be something that can be done to improve quality of life after such things occur. Maybe not but I sure wish there were things that would keep our families here when we don't want them to go.
It makes me miss my Gram and Gramp even more, if that were even possible. Three years without my Gram (and countless milestones....her first great-grandchild, my engagement, my wedding...and now my first child...plus more to come, my brothers graduation...and it goes on and on) and now almost 6 months without my Gramp. Am I happy they are together now? Am I happy they aren't sick or suffering at all? Well, I guess so, but I am more selfish I guess and am just mostly unhappy they aren't here with me. Michael always had his grandmother around growing up and I know how much his family will miss her.
I know I am so very lucky to still have one full set of grandparents, my Gram and Gramp on my Dad's side. And I was even luckier to not lose any family member at all until my 27th year of life....I know far too many people that never even knew some family members and have been struck by greater tragedy than me. But this only makes me more nervous and scared about the possibility of losing another loved one....when will it strike, who will it be, how will I ever get through it when I don't feel over losing just 2 family members??? I have probably always been more scared of this topic (death) throughout my life but it is so much more glaring now that I have a child on the way. Not only do I worry about every single relative, my friends, my husband....I also worry about myself. Definitely not in the gripping way of losing someone else...but just that soon someone will be depending on me and I wouldn't want to just leave them to go on without me.
I definitely know I cannot control whatever God's plan is for me, my family, my friends...and that surely there is some purpose, some reason, for those that have to pass on.....but I am SO not at a place of just accepting it at this point. With the season upon us, I can see there is a purpose to why Jesus died for us....but this is soooo many hundreds of years later....and I can't help but wonder if at the time I would've seen it that way. Sure hope it doesn't take me hundreds upon hundreds of years to come to acceptance, I know I don't have that long.
I feel like I must apologize for the darkness/sadness of this post....I feel like I strayed away from light, funny, and random, which was the goal of my posts so far. On the other hand, this post is a bit more real, a little more deep, and something I truly am scared of (and hope I am not alone with)....not too easy to post, I have almost deleted the whole thing more than once as I have written it. I very much hope everyone enjoys the Easter holiday, as I know I will.....even with the dark cloud of death that looms all around there is always something positive in ones life and I will surely be focusing on all the positive, wonderful, happy things that are in mine.